I started blogging a while back about various things including being as a single mom, fictional short stories, poems & life itself. However “life” would get in the way from time to time… Before I knew it I created a pattern of hopping off and on my writing. It was the result of jumping into stupid relationship scenarios. At the end of the day, I thought that the definition of completion was companionship. While I believe that 2 individuals can become 1 and it’s a beautiful thing, I also know well enough that if it doesn’t happen you will be ok just the same. However a few years ago, I was always this donkey reaching for the “proverbial carrot” that was never attainable…not because I was looking in the wrong place or with the wrong person but because I was reaching for something I didn’t really want/need in the first place… someone else to complete me.
It became obvious after each failed relationship how much I was self sabotaging myself by assuming I could create a perfect relationship with someone who was not perfect all the while being imperfect myself. That being said, I would talk all this self-love and being true to one’s self without actually practicing it. I just knew I was too good to be alone and I needed someone. I knew that I had to belong and my life was incomplete without a mate. I compensated and made excuses for the relationships and situations I kept falling in. It wasn’t long before I figured if I fit a mate into a specific set of criteria/rules that made sense then I would eventually find a relationship that made sense.
Boy was I wrong!
That being said, I moved on and often retreated back to my writing until one day I looked back at the dumbest parts of my life. It was like watching a horror movie but instead of the “final girl” outsmarting the killer, she ran right back into mayhem. I kept putting someone else’s needs before my own for someone who was for lack of a better phrase, not worth my fucking time! I kept going back to the drawing board to figure out why I kept making these dating mistakes. Had done something wrong? Was it me? Yep! But I didn’t want to believe it. Not to mention I was stuck replaying the worst 3 stigmas of being in a relationship!!
- You needed to survive the worst of a person before you could expect the best of them (struggle relationships & relationship goals)
- You had to hurry because being single for too long was unhealthy and you need to be married by a certain age.
- You should stick with what you are used to instead of taking a chance of starting over. It’s better to be with who you know instead getting used to someone new.
I mean looking back that was the dumbest thing ever…especially the 1st & 3rd one. Like seriously? The 2nd I could understand as we came from a male dominated world that required us ladies to be “taken care” of by a man. You know passed from the father to the groom kinda deal (or traded for cash or cattle in some cultures). But that struggle relationship nonsense was the worst. Constantly telling another grown ass individual to treat you right despite realizing they won’t is nothing but abuse. Yet you stay and wait for it to get better because for some reason, out of the 7.6 billion other humans on the planet… you have convinced yourself that they were the only one left for you to chose from. You deserve better. We women are more picky about what color shoes to wear with what outfit or gas we put in the car but we don’t give a shit about who we let stay in our heart.
Think about it… Basically you tell yourself this absurd factoid: It’s better to put up with whatever fucktivity from someone if it means not having to be alone or start over? Still, we fear the possibility of taking a chance on a human that’ll treat you right because they could be worse than the one you settled on. Why? Is being treated badly by someone you love is better than you treating yourself awesomely as long as you are not alone.
Makes “0” sense! All because you were pre-programmed to be with a mate no matter how much it was actual self-sabotage.
Because heaven forbid you spend time alone. And when I say alone… not shacking up and getting humped either. Equating physical pleasure is not always the solution…but I will get to that factoid later. While you don’t have to be abstinent or a nun or shun off all human contact, it is okay to connect with yourself & learn to love yourself so much, that no one will come and do anything less. This whole series is about learning to not put up with anything less than what you deserve.
At some point I told myself to stop doing this bullshit to myself! I could not honestly believe it until I spoke the words out loud to myself. I wanted to go back in time to warn myself but I knew that it made me who I am today.
My strongest personality, perhaps the Drunken one took control and from that point on I made it a point to not look for love anywhere but within. But it was from my greatest failures and setbacks that came the greatest lesson. I had to love myself more and learn that it was ok to put myself first. Most people are constantly waiting for someone else to put them first all the while neglecting themselves… That’s a slave mentality… Um sorry I am no one’s slave. And that is retarded.
I began using social media as I had in the past to vent and post what I was feeling in particular, what it was like being free (not just single). But truly free from the thinking that I am supposed to attached to a whole other human in order to be happy. I revamped my blog, recreated its image and myself. Instead of hiding behind an alter-ego, I blended them all together so that I could slap sense into myself whenever necessary.
I was never going to fall victim to making myself a victim ever again… It wasn’t poetic or anything…but rather funny because I had to laugh at myself for knowing better
And thus emerged the Single Chronicles… A comedic mashing of memes, pics & vids I had found all over the internet combined with my actual thoughts…unfiltered. While it is still a work in progress, I would tackle all of things I hated that pretty much would keep me single… All kinds of single girl problems and phobias as well as give relationship advice. But most importantly share why I was choosing to stay single. After posting to Instagram every week, I decided to post here and YouTube! Meshing written and spoken words all together.
And so it became a thing…
And so there you have it… I hope going forward I keep making them and folks keep enjoying them. Besides it was hilarious letting the rest of the world in on the fact I have a potty mouth. My readers…well they know better than that.
Til Later Kiddies,
Shalom
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Drunken Insomniac Writer 