Although this isn’t really a writing on the wall per se. Still I am tagging it such because this is more than a mere random thought. It pertains to some real world, life shit and that would-be-dreaded life sentence of being single.
Why the hell is it so important to have and to hold? Often I wonder what is the point!
This post was inspired by an interaction I had with some fellow. He wanted to get to know me and honestly, I wanted to be on my way. But when he said he was single and I said that I was too, he quickly responded, let me fix that! Like WHAAAT? WTF? I’m not broken. I knew what his intentions were so I wasn’t upset and so I responded that, there was nothing to fix. Personally I think it’s hogwash!
I don’t think being single or in a relationship is what people make it out to be. Personally for me, I am happy being unhitched. The reason I chose to stay single was because I learned the value of truly loving myself. Besides who knows what you settle on trying to find somebody? Now I am not saying I want to be “alone” forever or shackled up without a real commitment… I am however definitely glad & damn sure I want to be sucka-free and fuckboy free!
I know some of you think that my past relationships have made me bitter but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m actually “better” because I am not upset or pissed about the folks who I devoted my time to. For a while I kicked myself for allowing my time to be wasted. And yes, it goes without saying that I was a bit pissed off at those individuals. But now I look back appreciating the blessing in the lesson. I finally learned what I deserve as well as what I refuse to put up with. I am just focused on how I spend my time with myself before I concern myself with the who. Now some of you who have been single for years on end (or impatiently months) may think it’s the worst thing ever. But not me!
Why?
Because being single is not a life sentence nor is it a status to judge your life by. Being alone is different than being lonely. Being single means you are strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on another soul to create that happiness for you. And there are way more cases of folks being lonely in relationships or dead marriages. Besides who is better at knowing what I want?
Me!
While there may be some tasks that are better with more than a party of one. There are ways and friends waiting to be made in the world. Swap it up, hang with a few select folks in your spare time…figure it out. Instead of waiting on someone to do it for you, why not do it for yourself?
We have allowed the world to convince us that doing things by ourselves is bad & codependency is the way to go. That is the dumbest shit ever when you think about it! Now if you have a life partner who you don’t mind being with that makes you happy, that’s awesome. If you have friends that you kick it with, also awesome. If you have things you like to do alone that give you peace, also awesome! And you know what’s ultra awesome about all of those things is that, you can mix them up at the same time…well not exactly…but there is no rule saying that you have to be sired to just one.
We all say it but rarely do we ever actually do what it takes to make our own selves happy. I took a vow to eat better, spend money wiser, be active, stop procrastinating, do things that made me happy and lastly stop stressing. (Working on that last one)
It’s not easy putting yourself first or even on occasion saying no to the things that don’t bring you some kind of peace or flat out irk the living shit out of you.
Yep…you are not required to be involved in everything or with everyone.
Today’s the day that I not only reached a fitness milestone (-30 lbs)
Importantly, 8-9 months ago, I had just got out of a relationship (although it ended without me knowing much sooner…guess that’s how cheaters roll). It took me a while to not be bitter and simmer in the hurt & pain not to mention I use that towards a positive and better me. But the most important thing about today was that it makes 6 months after I truly decided to reclaim myself (I gave myself a month or so to get right). I mean if you don’t love yourself, your inner awesomeness will continue to be blocked by the “need” to be with someone. Not that it’s anything wrong with companionship but let’s face it, loving yourself prevents you from chasing people who won’t or don’t love you either. It also makes you strong enough to wait for the right one…even if Mr/Ms Right is you.
You know when you’re being treated wrong, so why put up with it?
Learn to love your inner Vixen, Wonder Woman or whoever inspires your fire. Just look at me in a year’s time… Changes happen for a reason. And if you don’t believe that, then remember this… If you’re life starts to get better after you leave people and things alone…then you’re on the right track.
Lastly remember being happy is not just a mantra I say, it’s something I intend on staying no matter what the circumstances. I remember looking at myself and whispering you deserve better but never believing it and possibly feeling I deserved it. I rather be solo than be in a fake ass relationship anyway so instead of rebounding or trying to get back on the road towards a spousal horse, I am using the time to grow!
I found myself pissed off recently because someone didn’t understand me and on top of that, we failed to communicate.
Honestly, it’s fucking retarded to be upset or react to another reaction that wasn’t the one you thought you should get. That alone proved I am not ready to be with anybody.
So to that guy, I wasn’t trying to shoot you down because I felt better than you. It was because I am still on my path that doesn’t have room for anyone else yet. I may inspire along the way but the truth is I still have a ways to go. And that goes for anyone…don’t let life pass you by!! Go get your happiness…
Next on my bucket list: Seeing the world, Thrill seeking shit like race car driving, acting & skydiving!!!
Well Until Next Time Kiddies
shalom
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