I see my friends who range from late 20s to early 40s already embarked on the next chapter in their lives, either in love or their careers. Yet it feels as if I’m starting all over in both. Gladly I have embarked on a sort of financial stability through my own little startup biz and I am pretty much happy for the most part that it is doing well. But on a mushy note, I am like Mary here… You know the song, Share my World.
You know who & what you want. You know how much you’re feeling them & how much you have & would invest in one another. I mean the love is beautiful in its own way.
But this ain’t that kind of blog….
Oops…I think I did it again??!!
Pardon the series of incorrect punctuation but the real issue here is that I’m sitting here in my car thinking that I may have gotten myself in the same predicament that I normally would bitch about & despise. Not to say I cannot unspin this web of fuckery but I ask myself… Do I really want to? A part of me does but the other half is like NOPE… FUCK IT!
But in any event, here I am writing one of my Bitch Blogs that’s not so bitchy but a reflection of sorts! If you’re old enough you probably remember those After-school Specials that used to come on TV. Well there’s always some kid surrounded by dumb shits who try to get him/her to do something dumb like drugs, stealing from the same mom/pop convenient store or premarital sex in their parents bed.
Well here I am that precautious kid who knows the fuck better but those so cliché statements sound so enticingly enthralling, “Try it!” Be one of the cool kids!” “It can’t hurt just this once!” & Blah Blah Blah.
Maybe it’s just me trying to deal with an early mid-life crisis. Maybe I’m being tested for an metaphorical exam I studied for but my partying the night before has me staring at a piece of paper like a stupid schmuck!
I know what I have to offer and better yet what I am worth but it’s as if my focus has been fucking sideswiped. It’s annoying as hell especially for an control freak! Do I channel a higher power? Do I retreat? Stand still? Keep up with the fuckery hoping it’ll change?
Who knows?
I’m never this unsure of things! That being said the catalyst is so not something that would make me go insane but then again I am an indecisive Libra… 😒.
Usually when you have to question your own motives, as our After School monologue would say, chances are it may be your own conscious & reasoning trying to warn you or it could be cold feet! Either way it’s life. You have to experience it to well…experience it! Either way I hope it’s the latter & I’m here to be the guiding light for others.
FUCK!!!!!
WHY CAN’T I JUST WIN THE DAMN POWERBALL OR MEGA MILLIONS?????
Like money would even help… Especially when the part of my life that trades good sex with feelings of love comes crashing. And don’t throw in the fact that it’s more than physical mojo. Companionship isn’t always the type you want or need. Then again sometimes it is.
Well that’s my thoughts for today… Until next time kiddies, time for me to get started on the next chapter of my next book & my life…again! 😩😒
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