It really had me thinking on my current situations as well as that of so many others going on. So many people content on being options and not anything more. Folks flaunting cheating, infidelity, promiscuity and nothing but lust that love itself has become “Played out” these days. It’s not to say that it doesn’t exist because I have so many friends who are hitched or at the very least committed to one person…without it seeming like it’s weird. I probably have said it so many times that it’s becoming a broken record. But it makes my stomach sick.
Why/How has this lack of love thing become ok? When did the world decide to become so caught up in physical, temporary fixes that anything with the possibility of becoming real seemed corny by the masses? I look at some people who claim that it is ok to have a main chick/dude and something on the side. Then I look at the people who are capable of providing a commitment who don’t or can’t provide much else. Lastly then you have the people in a relationship or marriage that couldn’t be more miserable.
The sickening part are the ones who are like myself have had chances for something real with someone real have turned around and blindly confuse with someone who is not. I tend to find all of the qualities I want in one individual only to successfully find out that this person has some other agenda, a waste of time and isn’t the one at all. Only to look back down the road at the choices I have to live with now. It’s ironic that the guys I met/dated earlier in life have moved on and settle down with someone else. Then I sit back with the “that could’ve been me” face!
Not to say that they didn’t want me or wasn’t good but I let my own foolishness & pride get in the way. I have this talent for always choosing the right one at the wrong time or the wrong one at the right time… or what the fuck ever! I am stuck between never being satisfied and always wanting what I am not supposed to have. All in all, I just want this…
Or heck even this….
Sadly, I have no one but myself to blame. I see folks happy and say that’s all I want. Why not me? And then I realize I had my chance and ruined it to the point that now I just want to be alone anyhow. Back to square one of chasing my own tail and stuck with confusing my wants for my needs and not wanting those who want me.
I keep telling myself I want and need to get married yet I keep landing myself in situations that bring further away from that goal….Bringing me back to the conclusion that we are a loveless nation.
Fucktarded shit to the fullest! No worries though.. I am not gonna off myself or seclude myself! I am just gonna sit back and enjoy life. And maybe, just maybe if Yahweh brings me someone I need… I wont be too dumb to see it nor hopefully will I let Mr. Wrong get in the way…again! I know the signs and I’ve always known better from the word go! I just never listen until the proverbial: “I told you so!” At least I have the good sense to know I fucked up! I just want to show my daughter I can make better decisions!