As we grow up, we tell ourselves as children & later as teenagers that we will be better parents than the ones we were cursed with. That is until we grow and learn that not only our parents were right about everything but that we end up exactly cloning the things they said and did. From the crazy facial expressions to the shouting of often incoherent phrases…we become our moms and dads!
If I had a dollar for every time my mother told me years ago, “Wait until you have kids!” or “Wait until you have a daughter!” Well low and behold just as I thought I was shaping up to be the parent of the year, I got shot down from my high horse! Life has a way of grounding your ass back right to reality! I realize that like my mother, this parenting thing is both trial and error not to mention tears, fears, laughter and joy.
These days not much hasn’t changed regarding children. As they grow more and more independent, will always bring a tear to your eye. It doesn’t matter if it’s the tears of happiness, pride or disappointment… it’s bound to happen the minute you feel them kicking in your belly. I mean there are some things that are different from when I was little or when my mother was little…such as technology or the fact kids don’t play outside as much. But the most important change has been discipline!! It went from being the proper thing to do, to being frowned upon to now damn near illegal. To chastise your own flesh and blood, no matter how bad they f’ed up…is wrong!
That I must say makes it harder to deal with them. I mean the “spoiled brat” stuff or the “know it all” thing is bad enough. But to add insult to injury by telling me I can’t do anything about except “talk it out”! I call bullshit here. Don’t get me wrong, communication is key as talking it out resolves more conflict than not. And I have no problem speaking up against abuse and though your kids may push you to that point, there IS a point where enough is enough or too much for that matter. I admit, I flirted with that line on occasion. It wasn’t without guilt and hatred toward myself that I cried and prayed to forgiveness to both God and my child.
That being said… how do you raise a Martin Luther King instead of an Adolf Hitler? I mean really?? You try your best and outside influences aside, the basis for one’s character starts at home… I’m learning that as we speak! Examples are one of the best ways to teach your kids how to become responsible adults but are they enough? I mean look at the youth today? Often times, the best parent can’t avoid the inevitable kid versus parent moment.
This morning for example, I showed great restraint with my pre-teen. Man, she had me ready to wring her neck! As if mornings aren’t stressful enough, I have this pre-menstrual person who’s half my size, getting outright loud with me when she was in the wrong! As I am telling her to hurry in school, my advice is met with a loud bark, “STOP RUSHING ME!!!!!” I immediately pulled off not looking to see if she actually made it through the door completely…why? Because had I sat there in my car a second longer, trust me… I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I’d be in jail!
I don’t give a rat’s ass what you’re thinking but er, um, uh…I showed about as much restraint as Jesus did in his last moments as he carried that cross. I mean as if raising her and providing for another person isn’t hard enough, you have someone blatantly disrespecting you despite you telling them something for their own good. It isn’t easier knowing that in earlier years, there was a lot of struggle to provide for this person and sacrifice it all for them…even to the basic necessity of food so that they would eat instead! (Yeah…shit got that real before) Any other person would’ve got drop-kicked Patrick Swayze-Roadhouse Style! But I didn’t. I allowed myself time to calm down and think of a solution to “talk it out” later. Anyway, that’s all this blog was about…venting…nothing more!
Now I’m sitting here envisioning my mother’s voice in my head saying, “I told you so!”
I think back to those days when, “I didn’t want to hear it” because “I knew more than she did” SHEESH!! yet…here I am! >_<