So on this latest episode of The Single Chronicles, I continued my story about making poor choices in dating and relationships. (This can also apply to friendships). I didn’t know back then that these decisions were the result of my own insecurities and self-identity issues. But before diving into that, I decided to poke fun at my former self in this episode.
I mean why not?
At first I thought I couldn’t find someone worth my time so I decided to put effort in “building” someone although in my head it was my intent to build “with” someone. But you know what they say about good intentions…
Looking back, I didn’t really see my true potential. I mean why else do we choose losers? In the first episode I looked back on the partners that needed me more than I needed them in that they basically used me as a stepping stone for initially a place to stay and to grow their potential. And while I thought my charity was in good faith it was a sacrifice of my own growth.
In this episode, I looked at those I chose who didn’t want commitment no matter how hard I tried to get them to do so. Prior to that I chose someone who was abusive. I never chose the love I was deserving of. It was a stupid rat race that proved nothing but exhausting. I wanted so bad for it to be real, that I was too naive to see the truth that I was wasting my time. So much that my last relationship nearly broke me. My then boyfriend wanted to run wild whilst I wanted to settle down. Yet the fault wasn’t completely his because I ignored every red flag there was. It not only was a big wasted effort but crushed what little self-esteem I had. I already suffered insecurities so much that I transformed into someone who was barely recognizable. I became the person I thought my mate wanted me to be when in turn I should have focused on someone who wanted me for me. But it was a lack of self love that perpetuated this monster.
I thought if I made the relationship or lack thereof work, then things would be ok. But I should’ve put that energy into me. Although I continued to focus on some goals and despite my last union’s issues, I created and grew my company with the tremendous help of my ex but still I lost myself in him. So that after things ended ugly no less, I made a promise to myself to no longer fail to love me.
So the message here kiddies as a mentioned in the Writer’s Reflections… Love Yourself. You cannot be what others want you to be especially if they aren’t invested in you.
Until Next time kiddies,
Be Awesome, Be You, But Above All Else… Love Yourself
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