As of lately I have been reevaluating my stance on things in life. As I try to aim to be not only a better person but a happier one. Some people stride to find happiness in the things that they attain such as a job, car, house, money or romantic partner. Me? I want vibrate and elevate so high that I am happy regardless of the tangible things I have.
That being said, I began my reflection on the people who have been in my life past and present. From boyfriends (and girlfriends) to friends, business partners and everything else. And then it dawned on me I have always enabled people. Despite being able to speak up for myself I always defended the toxic behavior of those around me for whatever the reason. It could have been a shitty boyfriend or unkind relative or hell my own damn self. Nonetheless, I made excuses for bullshit!
But then it dawned on me after having one of those mentally draining conversations with my mother? Even though I had spent the last day or so blocking the little narcissistic comments, I fell to the point where I was too tired to do much else but feed into it. As usual I ended up doing whatever necessary to end the conversation or make peace until eventually going and hiding away to my fortress of solitude.
And it hit me…
Am I the one who’s toxic?
Am I a toxic enabler?
We always talk about toxic people who are narcissists or who feed on negative energy, etc. But we never talk about the enablers or those who pretty muchfuel the fire. Sometimes not stopping the bullshit and putting up with it is just as bad as causing it.
You can be the type that enables a more physical issue such as drug or alcohol abuse or something less visible like narcissistic behavior.
When you are an empath, eventually someone comes to take advantage of that rather they know it or not. Some people will continue toxic behavior or treating you poorly because you always forgive and come back. Others do shit because they know you will be the security blanket to keep the house of cards from crumbling. The expectations of a narcissist sometimes knows no bounds. They have it set in in their minds that they are owed something. And as the enabler, you begin to believe it too. No to mention all of the compromising that you do just to get through the day.
My kid (who’s a teenager) and I find ourselves in compromising positions quite daily. Be it work (or school), the confines of home or random places in between. Often walking on eggshells just to deal is not living or thriving, it’s barely surviving.
I realized in every situation I had been in that was toxic, I was the one trying to find a way to fix things when I should have trying to find the door. Always compromising. And even if I tried to play the “fed up” role, I eventually forgive and move on. But had to stop being the type that tends that leans towards what I know even if it’s bad for me than to leap into the unknown even if it poses vast opportunities. Being in a toxic situation is easier than being in a new and uncomfortable one.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had empowering moments but 9-out-of-10 times, it was after surviving a heap of bullshit.
But it wasn’t until after I attended this seminar on self-care as well as seeing a professional, I realized that the one way I found release and escape was when I set boundaries. Telling people no was something that I didn’t fair well with. Compromising myself and calling audibles just to keep things on track was something I needed to stop. Dodging the proverbial bullet seems easy but it’s not conducive to a healthy life.
Don’t get me wrong sometimes setting boundaries will appear to make things volatile but trust me eventually but this is nothing more than the thunder & lightening before the storm, which too will pass.
Your life will be all the more better for it.
Until Next Time Kiddies,
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