I wrote this a little while back after ending a relationship with someone. I left it in my drafts because I refused to breathe any air into the situation I was getting over. But then I thought about that confused girl torn between someone she’d given her world to and the possibility of actually being happy.
Time to let it all go, the good, the bad, the ugly & the cutesy. Time to move on. I know that is hard but I have to wipe the slate complexly clean before I can do anything else. Screw closure. Screw holding on… It’s more of a detriment and no benefit was worth what I endured. I know now that by staying I am only saying that I accept the unacceptable; I am ok settling for less than what I need or deserve. It’s ok to walk away knowing you didn’t win but when you think about it, what was the prize anyhow?
No one who wants to hurt will continue hurting you. Fuck the honeymoon phase where you will only be subjected to mental anguish later. It’s one thing to revel in makeup shenanigans…but this is crazy! Fuck it even if you don’t find the best of what you had in something new. Trust yourself that ANYTHING is better than what you had. Fuck trying to settle and diminishing your worth for someone who doesn’t think it’s worth being loyal in the first place. If they cared…you wouldn’t be having this epiphany. You may have troubles here and there. You may feel lonely and cold in your bed but is it worth feeling hurt in your heart and soul?
Trust in knowing that if a person loves you they do not make decisions to hurt you in any form. There are no accidents in cheating or abuse… A real friend or significant other shows you both who they are and what you mean to them. PERIOD. If someone truly loves you and wants you to be happy, they don’t go doing the things that result in the opposite of your happiness or love. A person will put effort into the things that matter to them be it money, love, success, fame, etc.
So when you hear that little voice telling you to listen to the cries of a person who is guilty but not actually remorseful for what they did to you…remember these tidbits from me and a fellow blogger friend…
[Will he cheat again? Absolutely! He’s already established that she’s (you) not worth being loyal to. When a man shows you who he is, BELIEVE him. Will he try to make it up to her? Absolutely! However, that’s his guilt talking and not his character. It is not in a cheater’s character to be loyal.
If you are married to a cheater, ask yourself, “What am I doing here? You didn’t get married to be cheated on. Did you? You deserve better. Don’t you? If/when you find, out, don’t go looking for a marriage counselor, there’s nothing wrong with you. HE needs counseling. What you need is a divorce attorney. When a husband cheats, he doesn’t need to fix his marriage, he needs to fix his character. And this is not something you can help him with. He’s already grown…]
In your case there is nothing holding you back except emotions and the idea of escaping other annoying bullshit in your life. If you waste your time choosing a good time over a good person, you’re gonna have a bad time. Don’t let what you envision in a person be a distraction from who they really are. Besides sometimes holding on is more detrimental than letting go.
You may have not had the happy ending that you wanted but this isn’t the end of the book as far as you know…it’s just another chapter! Take what you learned and move on. We always think we need closure to move on but we don’t…not always. Fuck that needing to know why it happen and accept that it did… A fool is a man who learns not from his mistakes but who repeats them.
Well Until Next Time Kiddies
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