03/19/07 – To My Girls…Read This

I’d first off like to say that I love my women…dearly!  And I’d be renouncing not only my womanhood but sexuality if I were to disrepect them in anyway!  But today I got to get some stuff off my chest and put some knowledge out there!  No matter if you are straight, bi, lesbian or just want to identify completely with the female gender!  This shit is for you.  They say food for thought…well I hope you’re hungry!

Recently some friends and I hosted a lil gathering in honor of St Patty’s Day because our plans got rained (and snowed on).  So in addition to this and not having a lot of funds, we decided to entertain from home!  Well I got several voicemail today after checking it late (sorry) that some people were either on their way or busy.  For those who let me know you were tied up, you are cool!  But to those females who were “on the way” but somehow got held up by ya man (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) You are dead wrong!  Especially my family!  I don’t like putting people’s business out there but, I had one person on her way but her dude decided otherwise…did I get a cancel to cross out the RSVP?  HELL NO just a no-show!!  Another female so-called on the way was not only tied up with a “friend” but told her HUBBY at home that she’d be at the spot but needless to say she was not!  Needless to say that the friend and the HUBBY are not the same person!  To make this situation worse, I got a call to play SUPER-SAVE-HO because her car got towed that night!  Was I good Semaritan…yep!  I went to help her out and give her a ride!  Not because I’m forgiving or some pushover!  Aaww naw, naw!  She got to hear my mouth for 30 minutes about how God Don’t Like Ugly and that Karma is sometimes faster than normal!  Oh trust me, she got cussed out as if I was MADEA!  The third incident came from a chick I don’t even know!  While I was at work, a chick calls me to see:  1.if I knew her man and 2.if I invited him to a party!  First off it wasn’t a party otherwise a whole lot more people would have gotten an invite (Sorry to those who feel left out but it was last minute and the invites were sent via text…but I still love you!)  Anyway this chick calls me and for the record her “dude” is my homie from waaay back!  As I questioned her to see who she was calling my phone and killing my daytime/rollover minutes, she hung up!  And the wire has just confirmed that they aren’t even together.  That’s just pathetic!  I had a mind to tell her I was gay and that me and him were just friends.  But I said screw that…I haven’t done anything wrong and I don’t need to explain shit!

Now am I mad that everything was last minute and people had shit to do…? NO not at all!  What I am pissed about is how sad us women are today!

In regards to the last incident, as a woman if you got to be calling other females and checking on your man, then you have some shit you need to deal with!  First off don’t chase a man who don’t want to be chased!  If he loves you and wants you, he’ll be with you.  Chances are if you have a hunch that he’s doing wrong, then maybe he is!  But don’t be harrassing the other chick or who you think is the “other” bitch because chances are she doesn’t know who you are!  And if she does then she’s a ho and you need to keep your pride and keep it moving! Let them have each other.  Beyonce sings a song called “Irreplaceble.” Listen to its words and then put on Mary J. Blige’s “No More Drama” or “Enough Crying!”  Don’t sell yourself short for a dude that ain’t doing you right!  You need to love yourself much more than that!  He ain’t the last man in the world and even if he was, guess what, you can’t love him no way unless you love yourself, and you can’t love yourself if you chase a man who is playing/disrepecting you anyway!  You need to be happy in your own skin first and know how to do you solo before being with another because having a partner isn’t going to fill some void.  And if you you allow hime to do so, then when he steps, you are back to step one but worse off.  So then you try to rebound and in some cases end up back in the same boat!  It is nothing wrong with being single and doing you!  Don’t bring baggage, clear ya head first and breathe before jumping back in the game! The saying goes “You can do bad all by yourself!” So why the fuck do you need help doing worse?  Trust me if he is doing you wrong, while you trying to trace his every move, he ain’t stressing shit like you are!  He is laid back…chil-laxin’!  I ain’t saying that he is up to no good but if he is, you are wasting your time!  And to the dudes who snuck and read this, please know that there are insecure chicks who just don’t let go or who feel so bad inside that they just don’t trust a dude, so they don’t have nothing better to do then make fools of themselves!  In which case it goes back to what I said about loving yourself!  If he didn’t want you he’d leave and if he was cheating, then you’d know it for sure!

In regards to the other females in the first 2 occurences, well if you so hung up on a piece of dick that you can leave hanging your family or friends, then you’re just as bad as the other female I addressed!  I’m not hating because I know that when you are in a relationship your personal time with others can seem to take the bench for love, but don’t be rediculous!  I mean if you are so sprung that you can’t leave his side for 2 hours, then that goes back to the chick who don’t love herself.  If you are past that infacuation phase in the relationship but still need to be up under each other 24/7, then trust me what you are heading for could be disaster!  The point is, is that you can be without him for a few moments.  Learn to miss each other.  DAMN  I mean be for real!  My grandmother once tld me when I was in a simular situation, dick comes and goes, sometimes love/romance can fade but your family and true friends are always going to be there for you.  Especially when that dude starts acting up and trying to flip out!  Don’t diss the ones who are going to HAVE your back for the one who only wants you ON your back because one day you’re going to need them!  Trust when I say, I found out the hard way!

The last heterosexual relationship I had, your girl was twisted and trapped by a man!  I couldn’t breathe and to make it worse, I missed who I once was as well as my friends and family.  And then when dude flipped out, it was the ones who I had unintentionally turned my back on that came to my aid!  Sistes, whether you are straight or les no other human is worth selling your soul.  If they truly love you then, they will uplift you and complete you not hold you down and suffocate you!  Once you realize the difference between a healthy relationship and one that can’t be saved, the better off you will be!

The point of this blog was to pass on some knowledge and love not to argue!  I went through all of it, the arguments, infidelity, the constant questions of “Why you always gotta be with your friends and family?” …when you haven’t hung out in months.  All of this which eventually led to the abuse!  Now I can go on for days about this and there are songs, movies and books about this shit too but the point is that sometimes you have to experience and survive this drama to recognize drama never have this shit happen again.  Now some of you are assuming that this is the reason I chose women after this type of drama but it’s not!  I’ve had female relations before and after this drama.  But no matter who the other partner is, it can always happen again.  I just choose to not let it!  Sure I’m one and done with dudes but it wasn’t because of this, it was because I was unhappy wit h a man even without the drama!

But for you girls tripping, causing scenes, calling other females and tearing up his car when you see it parked somewhere it ain’t supposed to be…fall back and realize you better than all of that!  Rise above that!  Don’t be acting all crazy or become a lesbian because a dude hurt you!  If that’s your twist like it was mine from the jump, then cool but don’t do it because you think it’s easier!  Because it’s not, you can have all this drama no matter who or what your partner is!  Like I said you gotta make you happy because someone else can’t do it for you!  Having a partner will compliment the real, happy you not define it!

Women…we can do better!!  Just remember love being in your own skin.

Now that I am done complaining…I’m out!



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