12/17/07 – Myth: Black women are loud (PT 2 – to Dumb Asses…real dumb asses)

And who says that there is a stereo-type about us black women being loud and ignorant…

Well if you are in the mood to read, tonight is a 2-for-1 blogger’s special. About a few weeks ago…I blogged about an irritating waste of time convo I endured…one I participated in no less (so what, I am sort of a masochist)

Anywho…just to jog your memory, I got a call from a girl who harrassed me about her man.  Well I blasted it on my blog!  Well later that week, actually the beginning of Hanukkah, I got a message from a concerned reader and citizen. The names of those involved have been disguised at the agreemment between myself and the respondant who also consented in this post!

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Un-named
Date: 04 Dec 2007, 21:09


My name is ANON. I am the soon to be sister-in-law of the guy ANON, whom which, you blasted out on one of your blogs. I was referred to your page by someone who happened to be a subscriber to your blog.

Now, I am not writing you to blast you out about your comments. After all, you were using your first amendment rights to free speech. I just want clarify up some the information that you posted incorrectly.

You posted this blog according to your point of view. I do not condone anything my sister may done or said. If she siad those things you, then she was absolutely wrong for that.

You basically stated that my sister was a dumbass because she had this conversation with you. Yes, my sister may have called because she has been feeling insecure about things since she had the baby, but on the same token, you called her back. You stated that you are mature person. What mature woman with a degree and is publishing a book calls back a women you stated was dumb from the beginning. Everyone gave you kudos, but, no one stated this obvious fact. I don’t understand, did everyone miss that part. Because a mature woman, would have just said, If you are having problem with your significant other, then you need to take that up with that person. That is not my place. During this second call, you told her she was acting like a child. I am sorry, but, in this case I believe both you were acting like children. I told her, she should have ended the call. But, this is not why I writing.

I just wanted to correct whatever information this mutual friend of your gave you. You stated that my sister needed to get her GED. My sister actually has a diploma and B.A.  You stated that my sister needs to get a job because she doesn’t have any goals or aspirations. My sister has actually held a job every since she was 16 years old. She left her job in June due her high risk pregnancy and the after effect of the pregnancy. ANONasked her to take a year off to take care for their son. None of these people who gave you kudos knows that she was in labor for 12 days. Yes, she was in labor from June 6th through June 18th, in which ANON., was delivered through an emergency C-section. The car that ANON was supposely kicked out of was her car. And yes, we were raised in North Philadelphia. But, my mother was a teacher and, my father has worked for the city for the last 35 years.  But, we were not raised that way to act ignorant. Your comment that she is a product of her environment does not apply to her. Sorry!! She may not act like it sometime, but, she was raised with much more dignity and respect than what you experienced on the telephone.

The second reason I am writing is because you fail to realize people besides your blog subscribers reads these blogs. You didn’t think about how this would affect ANON’s job, family or friends. A mature woman would not have put someone’s name and place of work in their blog. I talk about people all of the time on Myspace. But, I don’t state their personal info because you never know who is going to read these things. There are too many instances where people’s home life is placed on myspace and they’ve lost their jobs. For example, a young lady talked about her home life on a blog and lost job with Delta Airlines.

I usually don’t get into the middle of people’s battles. But, This was a situation that could have been and should have been avoided.

If you are going to respond, please respond with respect. I don’t deal with the crazy mess. And, you can post this on your blog, if you would like. Good luck with your book. I sort did blast you out about your blog, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.

I wrote:
—————– Original Message —————–
Date: Dec 4, 2007 11:22 PM

Hello ANON,

Thank you for what is actually a respectful response to a stupid situation. I commend you for that and I do not in any sense take offense to your message because you seem to be impartial to the argument. Yes I do know that a person who is one of my 100+ suscribers intentionally showed the blog page to ANON. I am not sure if you read it clearly. And I am responding to clarify a few things.

With that in mind, the first thing I want to touch on is that your sister called me and the first thing coming from her was a derogatory message to me pertaining to my well-being, lifestyle, womanhood, as well as threats to my life.

Once I confirmed with her that I knew her fiance’ I told her “before” disclosing that I am a lesbian that I had no intentions with her man and that he was a distant friend from school, she proceeded to threaten me. Then when I told her that it wasn’t necessary and that I was a lesbian, she called me a gay faggot, nasty, pussy-licker, whore and a slew of other things and hung up on me. She even said that I had AIDS and that all gays have AIDS, which was totally incorrect, ironic and humorous to me on National AIDS Day. I did not once called her out of her name until she proceeded to be putrid on the phone. I mean does she really act this way often? My thing is, she called to see if I had slept with her man. I said no…the convo should have stopped there. I shouldn’t be interrogated. As a matter of fact, she did call me several times until I answered.

I then called ANON to tell him not to have any partner of his to be calling my phone disrespecting me…which she was wrong of from the jump. I didn’t call her, I called ANON…she answered his phone and said “Bitch don’t be calling my man!” And hung up.

I then called back and we had the exchange of words. I told her that I didn’t call to play a word for word or argue. I even congratulated her on the birth of her child, saying that it was a beautiful thing (which all life is) and that I understand what it is like not to often trust someone you love. Because I have dealt with women in abuse, have been abused…I gave her the calming conversation about myself and what I have been through personally not to mention what I have witnessed others go through. So in response to you thinking I was immature too, that is wrong because I called to calm her down and to tell ANON to not have her call me from private numbers harrassing me. And that I’d even get a restraining order, if it happened again. But before I could get anything out…she then said and I quote verbatim “…if you wasn’t so fuckin’ nasty, you would be getting dick and would have a child of your own.”

I then told her that I had a 5 year old who is on the honor role in private school, who I was proud of that speaks, reads and writes English, Spanish and some French. She then called me nasty and disrespected my child. (Now if I had included this on “dumbass blog” that she disrespected an innocent child, she would have gotten blasted worse).

Now is this typical behavior of a mother, college grad, or grown woman? I called her immature because what she did was blatantly immature! I posted a blog because it was my way of venting because if ANON was claiming to be a friend of mine, he would have either prevented this call or stopped it when she “got out of pocket.” (I mean why the hell was he saving a text from 2 weeks ago that I forwarded to “every” cell in my phone…a holiday habit of mine) Secondly, he was standing right there…I then totally lost all respect for the 2 of them. I mean, if she went through all of this having a baby…then her health should be the intent of her focus, not some other person, hell not even her man ANON. I watched my mother have a miscarriage and C-section and it took her months to heal, not to mention she nearly lost her life. I don’t remember her calling her significant other’s mistress or estranged friends and yelling possibly making her health worsen.

I realize that you are not by any way condoning her behavior and I honestly because she is your sister, I wouldn’t be too mad if you did (Blood is thicker than Water). I especially don’t condone ANON’s because I see that this was probably his fault. I do not know what he told her about me to enrage her because surely texting someone “Happy Turkey Day”…should not.

The last time a girl called me about her man, (and we have all had this call before…although I have never been on the other end of it) it did not end this way, we actually became friends.  As women regardless of orientation and race, we have enough factors in addition to the glass ceiling to overcome, why do we consistently bash each other?  I for one have never understood this about straight women. I have my insecurities, I mean who doesn’t? But I don’t relay them on innocent people. I mean what did your sister think to accomplish by calling me?

In addition to that, I never said that the car they were arguing was his…I emphasized on what happened when he got out of the car. As to her having a degree, she did not use language or grammar that would show any type of intelligence beyond 12, which is why anyone would assume she was immature mentally. There is nothing wrong with N. Philly, and like I said on my blog, I give back to it…not take away from it.

I don’t feel sorry for ANON or your sister much because she had no right to call me. And once I confirmed what was my innocence…she had no right disrespecting me. I mean not to pull a political card, but gay bashing nowadays is a pretty hefty fine and in some cities, jailtime. And when I, being Ms. Nice person, proceeded to rectify it, she had no right continuing to disrespect me. And as far as ANON, I only put his name out there, I made no actual true reference or significance to his job. To be honest I have attended more than one college…so one would have to do digging or know me personally to see what “place of work” I meant. And because I used his first name only…it’s liable not slander not to mention the honest truth. He should not get fired over this tizzy unless he allowed it to affect him [at work].

Not that this is an excuse or cop out, but I feel that his actions of not doing his part to calm her was very cowardice. I would never in a million years allow anyone to blatantly disrespect my friends while I stood there. I mean all he said was that his minutes were getting wasted. If you and I were friends and someone spoke to you like that, I would tell them that enough was enough. He did not and she kept on until she hung up on me. This really enraged me once I thought about it…hence the blog.

And the funniest part was, she still doesn’t know if I would’ve had slept with ANON or had an affair. I mean if I had…she was so hung up on commiting hate crimes, that she would’ve never gotten to the bottom of it. To me, that is not B.A. behavior. To be honest I thought it was a prank call at first.

Lastly (I promise), if your sis would have talked to me like you did in your message, none of this would exist. I swear to read what you wrote to me and to hear what she said astonishes me. I mean it is as if the 2 of you are from different fiber! I write about this sort of thing from time to time but it has never been this bad. I even linked other blogs of mine to this blog…because this sort of behavior never ceases to amaze me. To think that your sis has been through and accomplished so much, would flush anyone’s first impression down the drain if all knew how horribly she behaved.

Well I do thank you for taking the time to clarify some errors in my blog. I apologize to you for such a lengthy response (writer’s curse).

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Un-named
Date: 05 Dec 2007, 12:02

I understand where you are coming from with this situation. I know my sister, and I know her well enough to know that she most likely said those things. I apologize because we weren’t raised that way. I told her, if she was wrong if she said those things. My sister is a hot head. I am not making excuses for her. She speaks before she thinks. They share his cell phone. I don’t know why, but, they do. He give it to her when she goes out. So, it’s sort of like calling her, too.

I have talked to her about these same things. Yes, while she is highly educated, she scts as if she is five years old sometimes.

I’m sorry this retarded situation has taken place. As far a different fiber, I take after my father. My sister takes after my mother. We have two completely different personalities. And, I am the youngest girl.

I respect your response and thank you for your response. Once again, Good luck with your book. I wish you great success.

—————– Original Message —————–
Date: Dec 5, 2007 1:08 PM

…I truly appreciate you coming in and rectifying the situation. It just goes to show that any situation can be resolved no matter how bad with patience and communication. And although you are the younger sister, I’m glad that you are around to provide a different perspective.

Yeah I think that with my blog I came off more angry at your sister, when I was really upset with ANON…being that he was supposed to be my friend not to mention her significant other. I think we both agree that he should’ve fixed this whole thing before it came to such an explosion.
I guess love is crazy like that. :-/

And I think that your sis will listen to you. With you sheding light on the subject in such a mature fashion, who wouldn’t listen to you?

Again, I wish all of you the best. And I cannot thank you enough for calming the storm. Feel free to stay in contact. If not, I understand that. If all is safe give ANON, your sis and the baby my blessings and best too.

Lastly if you don’t mind I want to reassure my readers that the situation was rectified and like you said before deeper than I originally stated. I apologize if I seemed like I was crazed and biased. Although my intent was more on the defensive, it was still a little ill-informed and prejudice. You showed me how it did put parts of your family’s life in the open where I had no right in doing so, no matter how upset I was. But like you pointed out in so many words, 2 wrongs don’t make 1 right!

I’d like with your permission to post parts of our conversation. You have my word to keep your name and profile anonymous. I just want to ensure my readers that not all black women are stereo-typically angry all the time. I want them to know that we can resolve things like decent, mature adults. Finally I want to set the record straight about your family. Without dwelling too personally

Again a million thanks to you for crushing one less thing for us all to stress about and move on from. You are one of totally a kind. You took an opportunity to make a situation worse and from my standpoint completely corrected it. Thank you and THANK YOU!




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